"Its okay to be confused. Once in a while we meet certain people who never really leave us even if we know that they already have and that they're never coming back. It's troublesome and it hurts to be stuck in the past but that's okay as well."

Can i talk about all the happy days first and rant about my studies after that of course i can who am i asking for permissions anyway hahaha

So last week was somehow like a boyfriend week for me and my boyfriend because we saw each other for 6 days except for thursday. I went over to his house to sleep while he played his computer game we didnt do anything much actually. He came over to my friend's house to had a game of mahjong together and i fucking lose $34 damn sian people like me can never be good in mahjong hahah. So wednesday was suppose to be my study day and i already made plans to go down to starbucks for a productive study session when he suddenly told me that i am going down to vivo with him for a gala premier movie. Pooooof there goes my study day and i went down with him hehehe i dont know why but i really like how the way he ask me out sometimes. He dont ask me like, "eh you wanna go town tmr?" but more like "we going town tomorrow ok i need to buy this." its nothing much la not a big difference but i just like it when he somehow demand me to go out with him HAHAHA i am so easily satisfied man 

Ok yes so being a very nice girlfriend i went down to vivo with him to catch the gala premier of "Meeting the Giant" together with his mum and their friends. Its a new singapore movie directed by the veryveryvery handsome and charming tay ping hui. We had dinner at Brotzeit before the gala, its a german restaurant and the food there is really nice eventhough their service was really bad. The movie was not too bad eventhough i personally feel that the storyline is abit off and the whole movie is draggy hahaha. But still not bad for a singapore film la dont expect too much got handsome guy to look at must be happy already ok. 

Hehe so both my parents, xinlerk and my lil bro went over to Malacca for  days leaving me and xinpei at home. Didnt want to go because im honestly not a fan of malaysia and the weather is so fucking hot arghhh. We brought our boyfriend over to our house for sleepover HAHAHA and the goal of that night was to make me drunk. I never really drink before and i dont know if im a good drinker and what type of drunkard i am. So jon brought over tequila and like i am the only one who is gulping down drinks non stop. HAHAHA conclusion of the night: i cant drink for fuck sake. I knocked out after gulping down half cup and went crazily emotional with my boyfriend. I drunk texted trisha and demanded my boyfriend to tweet how much he love me. Took many selfies with my sis photobooth, broke the toilet shelf and vomitted on the bed. Woke up with smelly hair because i vommited all over my hair hhahahah! it was damn weird because when i was drunk i still remembered to wipe off my make up and brush my teeth AHAHHA! boyfrined told me i finally knock out after sititng on the floor of the toilet bowl trying to vomit for an hour. They even took a video of all the actions i did i cant fucking believe it. Had a very filing dinner together at Gahock wah the food there damn nice. so that concludes the 6 days ive spent with my boyfriend

Went to wild wild wet with joey trisha and danial's group of friends he had free tickets and we were invited!! The last time i went to www was with my team we had chalet at pasir ris ahhh miss them so much. So apparently there is this new ride called torpedo. I dont know if its a new ride anot but it wasnt there when i last visited it. ITS FUCKING AMAZING OMG that is really the highlight of the whole entire day. its the highest ride and like you have to stand inside this glass door within a box, and they will count down. when it reaches 1, the door under your feet will open and you will experience free fall for like 1 second!! It sound really scary but it wasnt that scary at all!!! It was the suspense that was really nerve wrecking expecially when youre inside the glass door and its counting down omg super nerve wrecking!!!! Went to had JustAcia for dinner ate like a fucking cave woman because i didnt eat anything for the whole day.

And yes this concludes all the happy days i had for the past few days and now let me just rant about how guilty i am for not studying this past few days. I took out my prelim timetable and im like HOOOOLY U FUCKING SERIOUS i have like exams straight after my holiday and  i dont know a single shit about it I MEAN i toally forgot about it omg yes please stab me i know!!! I have zero motivation to study now im just so tired and lazy WHY NO HANDSOME GUY OR TEACHER IN THIS SCH so i can look forward to school reopen ah cbcbcbcbb i really need to find that motivation i had when i was studying for n level man. 

Back at this tiny little space to update my blog a little.

While i'm over here being really thankful for this june holiday for me to finally take a short break from studying, i cant believe how 6 months just past by like that. Like i just checked my handbook one day and im like crappppppp a week more to june holidays you serious?! This june holiday isnt really a holiday for me i should say hahaha i went back to school for my mother tongue o level and i have like english language paper on week 4 who the fuck have prelims during holidays right my school is so weird. 

Talking about mother tongue o level, i didnt come out of the room like "FUCKYEAH A1" but i came out more like "hmmmm manageable". I dont want to be too overly confident because being too confident always land themselves in a bad ending hahaha not cursing anyone!! I really hope the bell curve is in everyone's favour please argh

People ask me if im coping well with o level, too early to gauge right now but i think i am managing well hahah provided if i stop sleeping so much in class. No fucking idea what happened to me this year but i just kept dozing off during lessons its just so hard for me to stay awake!! I remembered i stayed awake the whole day from 7am to 3.30pm and i was so fucking proud of myself i totally deserve a medal for that plssssss!! Even my form teacher tell me "eh i very happy today you didnt fall asleep in my lesson" HAHAHAHA well known sleeping queen here eventhough i sleep alot during lessons i still finish my homework diligently ok!! Need to stop this when term 3 starts man no joke why am i so motivated now hahaha

Questions im getting alot now is, "are you going to the jc or poly route?" I have this thing i am afraid that people say im too ambitious because like i am an NA student i dont take amaths and im in combined science, going to the jc route is really not in my favour but part of me really want to go to a jc, im just not sure which for now. I considered the poly route but i dont even know what course im interested in right now what if i end up studying some stupid crap that im not even interested in and just waste my 3 years like that?! Too scary plus haiyo poly need stress what to wear i see all my poly friends go school or fashion show i also cannot differentiate. Sooooo for now, its jc route just dont know which jc yet hopefully i dont die in there if i really get in.

I was just talking to my sis a few hours ago and like she was telling me her future plans and stuff, saying that when she reach a certain age she want to move out and be independent and like marry off of something and im over there with my mini eyes all widened up and my mouth opened. Like holy im only 17 and shes 19 and we are already having this conversation ITS JUST SCARY OK!!!! i just looked at her and said "eh im only 17 im still struggling with o's and insufficient pocket money AND YOURE HERE TELLING ME YOU WANNA MOVE OUT?!?!" So scary when you think about the future all the people you have around you now may not always be there so many changes can happen within a year and its really almost impossible to predict the future. Im only 17 now why do i keep feeling that i have no enough time to enjoy myself before i settle down HAHAH i feel so retarded that i keep stressing about the future LIKE COME ON IM NOT EVEN DONE WITH O'S HAHAH

By the way, dont you just hate it when you're really unhappy and upset over something but like you can't express it out because you will upset the other party, and you're over there just suffering in silence?!?! Its like you want to tell but the other party but they just make you look like a ridiculous bitch who is trying to find fault out of nothing. So fucking annoying some days you just wanna explode and like just kick their nuts or something for making you feel this way. I fucking hate quarrels i will do anything possible for me to avoid quarreling because i really dont like to quarrel. If you guys have been quarreling over the same matter for a couple of times, like for example maybe your boyfriend have been very close with this girl or something along that line and you dont like it, you know maybe you guys should try a different alternative other than quarreling. Maybe you can make friend with the girl he is close to, so that when they hang out together you can join in too! I personally feel that that is really the best way for couples to resolve things really, one party have to make the first move, if not you guys are going to quarrel over the same shit over and over and over again. Its never going to stop omg not sian meh?!?!? Something similar happened between me and my bf and we argued over it for like 3 times and im just so fucking sian of it one day i just decided that i am not going to care. Its very easy when you say youre not going to care wah but that fucking shit is not easy at all omg. But most importantly, you have to trust your boyfriend. When your boyfriend say he's out with his guys, he's out with his guys. He say he's at home playing computer game, he's at home playing computer games. Dont ever suspect him or like follow him and check on him or some shit because no guys like that really hahaha why am i speaking like im a love expert hehehe maybe thats my talent

I received a askfm question yesterday night, this anon was asking me if im okay with my boyfriend clubbing. Yes why would i not be would be my answer. If your boyfriend really love you or is faithful he wont be touching other people's booty or some shit. My boyfriend once told me that someone tried to grind him in the club and he was disgusted HEHEHE i was so happy to hear that actually haha!! I dont know man you really have to trust your boyfriend thats all i can say, if he do anything nasty behind your back then like maybe you should just fucking dump him la because hes a big fat jerk.

Ok i should not go on i dont want to step one love expert hahahah so shy sia but to whoever is reading this, my bestfriend joey or just some unknown stranger I HOPE THIS HELPS HAHAHA 

Im sitting in the living room right now with the lights off while typing this, it has been a really bad night for me and i really want to sleep it off but i cant, i really cant. 

Finally got back my n level results i have somehow been dreading over 3 days ago.

I honestly dont know if i have the rights to be depressed over my results. I was so disappointed, and im still am, well not as much but still a little. I felt so worthless and stupid, i cant even achieve my target i have been targeting since i was sec 1. Hard work dont always pay off, that really really suck.

So anyway, i have been targeting for pfp (Poly Foundation Program) since the start of my secondary school life, or since the day my principal actually announce that there is this program. I missed by a grade for my english, i got a B4 but the criteria for pfp was B3. Never gotten a fucking B4 for my english before in my secondary school life and yes, a stupid idiotic B4 just have to appear in my cert THANKYOU zzz

I called my daddy after getting my results, he didnt sound happy but he told me he was really proud of me when he heard about my result. For once, my mum was so supportive and encouraging and she even gave me a hug in the kitchen and also a peck on my cheek. I was so happy, at least she cared you know. I remember there was once i actually got second or third in class and i was so excited to share the good news with her but she simply shut me out. I was so upset with her and ended up quarreling with her. So anyway, my parents talked to me over supper and told me that its alright and stuff. 

Both my sisters have been such great help to me over this 3 days. They really gave me many advices and also comfort me, knowing that i was really upset. They have been so nice to me i feel so blessed to have the both of them. They also told me about their friend who was a NA student, took O level, went to Nanyang JC, and fucking scored 7 A and topped the whole school. Thats fucking incredible i cant even imagine. They have been so so so nice to me, all of you should be jealous (im jealous)

Anyway, i dont know about all of you but i really hate it when people who dont study (or work hard) claim that i have no rights to be upset over my own results just because their results is lousier than mine and that they are not even upset over it. i hope you get what i meant but if you dont then its alright. I really really dont fucking get these kind of people. They are so fucking insensitive and brainless (im sorry) they should just shut the hell up. I remembered there was once i studied so bloody hard for my Food and Nutrition paper, i actually drew mindmaps for every damn chapters (there was like 12 chapters) and i even did my workbook but my paper came back with a fucking 35/80 WTF WTF YOU KIDDING MEH?!?!?!?! Chicken i swear my tears just flow when i told my bestfriend about it and my friend (i still love her) just have to open her mouth and say, "wahlao you cry for what sia i get 28 sia worse than you i also never cry" and she rolled her eyes -.-.-.- If you didnt worked as hard as me, YOU BETTER ZIP YOUR MOUTH. I hope all of you feel me because if you feel me youll know why i was so pissed, and to be honest i still am a little hahahah i bear grudges sorry.

Anyway i miss my bestfriend so much!!! I cant believe im not going to see her during my lunch breaak next year this just make me so depressed sometimes i really hope she's not smart so she wouldnt have to go to express stream. And if she didnt go express stream she will still be by my side and that will just make my whole sec 5 journey so much better. But NO, shes so intelligent and shes leaving me all alone :'( Im not blaming you dai, im really not...... HAHAHAHA LOVE YOU DAI!!! 

Back with another random post about boring life im leading right now. Nothing fascinating at all, lazing around at home and going to work, maybe gain a few kg. I'm going to work to earned back the $200 i spent a few before graduation night. My entire outfit only cost $44, my dress was $22 (cheeapppp) and my wedges was $22. Buying shoes has never been a pleasant experience for me. Everytime i see the design i realllllyyyy love and its cheap, no size. Why is my feet so humongous. "Hi do you have size 39?" "Oh sorry you have size 40 right?" "Its still a little tight, how about size 41?" "Is size 41 your biggest size?" 

The lady was annoyed because she has to climbed the ladder 3 times hahaha

Okay back to the point. Im currently working as a waitress ( I KNOW, i fucking swore i wont ever work as waitress again after working at jumbo because its so busy and there's alot of china people there) China people are alright its just that they get pissed off really easily and im scared. Peace out!!

I'm working at Buona Vista now, some restaurant (quite famous because its quite busy) and i reeeallllllyyyy love it there, except for the travelling la! The people there are incredibly friendly! Best part is that i can eat while im working, secretly la but its foooood! Their birthday brownie is so nice, i tried their signature dish (Cranberry Sticky Bones) for free!!! Once, they served as a humongous chicken chop, it was so big i have to haolian to my family and friends hahaha! Look whose gonna gain 10 more kg.... :(

Graduation Night was really fun! Eventhough we didnt held our graduation night dinner in some atas hotel like any other school do, im still so happy many people attend and they actually made so much effort to look good. The commitee had to come school for meeting almost everyday to plan the activities and we had to come an hour before grad night begins. I'm actually really proud to be part of the committee because i have never planned any major events like that, part of the reason why is because im not a student leader or cca leader hahaha! After planning these, i swear to god i wont complain any events which are boring as shit because its not easy to please everyone and there's really a lot of hardwork. The emcee was Izzan and he did such an amazing job!!! Many people told us that they enjoyed themselve and i couldnt be happier!

The next time ill probably see my classmate will be on 19 December, the day we get back our N level results. Mixed feeling sia i dont know how to feel, part of me feel excited because i really want to know how i did overall. I dont want to sound so over confident that ill confirm chop be eligible for pfp but man, i put in so much effort in my studies, I REALLY STUDIED. Hahahah ya bitches be like " but you always sleep in class!" hahahha its true though but i do my homework *wink*

I have been really badass recently because i consecutively skipped training for 4 times hahah. I dont know, i no longer find that excitement to go for training anymore. I no longer have the drive to make me a better player. Maybe i fat la i dont know. Things have been so different without my team mates here like hello where's alicia i need to grab her boobs i need to smack zhaorong's ass i need to make funny expression with jennifer i need to make some inside joke with dai i need to disturb meilian to need to insult nadine i need to smile to try ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i dont think anyone feel me right now its just so different.... I used to be so devoted in volleyball i actually dont mind a week of vb training ( That was when i was in combine sch and things was so fucking busy ) BUT GUESS WHAT, i actually looked forward to it!!!! But now, i cant even survied a 6 hours of training. Im literally like, "WHAT? 6 hours of training, fuck no im not coming bye i outta here" HAHAH and my training used to be 8 hours..... i miss my team like maddddddddd.

Im not saying my juniors are bad but i just dont feel belong.... i dont feel like i fit in to them i feel like im their senior more than their friend....... alah dw talk about it!!

im eating redondo now bye hitting 80 kg soon

Its 2:11 am in the morning and guess who can't sleep and is feeling emotional.

I can't believe how fast this 4 years have been for me. Sometimes i looked back at the things I've did and im like holy shit that was 2 years ago omg. I can still remember starting the year 2013 with page 1 of 365 and now its idk maybe page 315 or something of 365. Time flew so fucking fast and BAM almost all my closest friend i have in school are leaving soon. I dont know why but its just so fucking sad because so many things wont be the same without all of them. 

I wont ever have the chance to sit together with my team mates outside the SJAB room anymore and get nagged by the councilors for not moving to the quadrangle. I wont have the chance to sit together with them during recess and laugh our asses off at everything and anything. I wont have the chance to sit together with my bitches at the opposite table and eat shirleen's leftover food (she loveee wasting food). I wont have the chance to take 8 packet of drinks from the stall 8 auntie to my canteen table. I wont have the chance to feel the excitement of going down for recess to meet my bestfriend and boyfriend to tell them  how my day went anymore. If i were to continue typing this will go on forever because its just not the same without them. So so so many things wont be the same. It's just sad, really sad. This is life i guess, sometimes things just dont go the way you want it to be, but what the fuck can you do. You just got to deal with it, deal with all the changes eventhough sometimes it really hurt. I know i sound really lovehurtzxc over here c'mon its been long since i last felt this way! 

Anyway, i'm really cant wait for graduation night! I'm part of the committee and i have never done this kind of stuff before in my 16 years of life, planning and all the behind the scene job. I really wanna try it out but i dont think im cut out for this kind of stuff though, im easily frustrated when things dont go smoothly hahah maybe thats the reason  why im never a prefect in my primary school and not chosen for student councilor in secondary school hahah! Ok at least there's something im looking forward to now, because to be completely honest this holiday actually kind of suck for me. 

Just came back from Bangkok about a week ago and fucking guess what my weight (it should be mass but idc) hit 57.2kg whattttttt innnnnnn daaaaaa worldddddddddd can you feel me its like another 2.8kg and i would hit 60kg thats even scarier than The Conjuring or The Grudge. Hahah people get kind of annoyed with me when i say i'm fat, oh pls wait till you touch my tummy bet you'll freak out hahaha but luckily my weight dropped to 55 kg (big sigh of relief) my intial weight was 53 though I NEED TO SEE THAT NUMBER ON MY WEIGHING SCALE!!!

HAHA i actually hope no one read this MUAHAHA 

let's end this off with a picture so when i read back  my archive next time i know how stupid i sound